Friends

I think this is pretty self explanitory, don't you?

Thank goodness for friends!

Whew! I need a rest!

Finally! All the clothes are gone. All 11 40# garbage bags, full to overflowing, are gone. All the rest were given away and throughout the sorting....a box was filled with dress up clothes for two small girls [who aren't even walking yet] and one small girl who isn't even born yet [but will be in a few weeks]!

Don't you just LOVE it? There are hats, gloves, fancy purses, regular day purses, dresses and skirts, and shoes! There are Hawaiian mu mu's, fancy net hats from the 40's and all sorts of delicious fun things that little girls will love to play dress up with! Oh, and I cannot forget all the costume jewelry just waiting to be draped over each young lady! There is enough costume jewelry to decorate the Queen, I'm sure! ;)

We have laughed over the size of the box for the 3 girls who won't be able to even begin wearing one single thing until they are a few years older....but what fun is in store for these cousins once they reach Grandma's house!

The big box will stay here until Grandma and Grandpa come back this summer and pull a trailer home with all their goodies. :D

A Mini Break

I've been frustrated lately because my computer has been acting up on me. When I would go to click on one of my favorite blogs, which I read every day, it would act like it was loading etc and then it would just be a green screen with 'done' down at the bottom. Grrrr.... Then, I would go to another of my favorites which I also read every day and I could access hers but I couldn't comment on hers. And she has had an excellent discussion going on about God's will/free will. Another Grrrrr!!!

But today -- everything is fixed! Not by anything I did but some cyber *something* corrected itself. :) Don't you just love it?

My sister is arriving today, this afternoon, so I probably won't be blogging as much. Well, not that I've been blogging heavily at all. I really need to take advantage of her being here so we can finish cleaning up the mess which is strewn over our mom's two rooms. It really would not reflect well on me if they are still in the same condition come summer when they come back to take items home. ;) Lol! I'm stretching it as it is, at least in my opinion! :)

Just remember that God is faithful, good, gracious and merciful all the time!! He is trustworthy to hold on to! He is the One who enables you to get through each day, giving you His strength to meet each situation which arises. Bless you all! :)

MRI Results!

The good doctor called me late this afternoon with fabulous news. He started out by telling me that the MRI totally disputed the CT scan. Yea!!! There is some small vascular disease which shows up which is conducive with my prior strokes. But the large area which they were so concerned about did not show on the MRI. He went on to tell me that the MRI was fairly consistent with my old MRI's. In other words, there was NO SIGNIFICANT CHANGE!!! Whatever showed on the CT scan did not show on the MRI. His words were, "...it must be some type of artifact." Artifact...what on earth does that mean? Medically speaking that is. So I can continue to do what I'm doing which is watching what I eat, cutting back on my food, exercising, and controlling my diabetes.

You have no idea what a relief the doctor's phone call was to me today! I immediately praised the Lord for His faithfulness. He is good!!!


"Deal bountifully with Your servant, that I may live and keep Your Word" (Psalm 119:17).

Have a great weekend!

Enjoy your weekend! Okay, it may not be warm enough to go water skiing but still get out and enjoy the day!

Friends...

I've been thinking about friends lately. We all have them. Some are not as close to us as others, but still friends none the less. I came across a quote and I do not know who to credit but I have found it to be an excellent description of a true friend.

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person. Having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words, but pouring them all right out---just as they are, chaff and grain together---certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness blowing the rest away."

MRI Update

The Lord is so faithful! I was the calmest I have ever been when I have had to take one of these. The lady handed me a sheet of paper with all different types of music grouped together until headings, like Pop, or Rock, Classical & Jazz,...then Christian! There was only one CD which counted as Christian but it was Michael W. Smith so I chose that one. I closed my eyes before ever going in...I wish I had closed them before they put the face mask thing on...oh well. Anyway, she gave me this round ball thing to squeeze if I needed her to stop the procedure and she would be right in, johnny on the spot. I thanked her and prayed I wouldn't have to use it.

The music was the ticket. Besides my praying which I did I tried to listen and make out the words on the CD. What with all the noise going on I really had to focus on the words. By focusing on the words I didn't focus on the noise or that I was this <> close to the top of the machine. And, it helped that my feet were out somewhat. :)

So I came through it right well. My heart didn't give way and I managed to pray away the itches which one is at a loss to reach up and scratch! I never opened my eyes until she tapped me on the shoulder to tell me I was out.

Yea!! Now, I wait for the results....

MRI

Tomorrow, Wednesday, I will have a MRI of my brain. It is to give the doctors a better visual of my brain and the "numerous" stroke areas than what they could determine from the CT scan.

I'm very claustraphobic but I will close my eyes and not open them at all until I am back out. The other thing I will be doing is praying, for anyone and everyone that I know, or know of, who is needing prayer. So if you are in need of prayer just leave it in the comment section and I'll pray for you. Or, if you prefer, you can email me.

The first time I had a MRI I took a valium but all the other times I have not. I don't think it really reduced my anxiety a bit. Not enough to make it worth while taking. So I just grab onto the Lord's hand and in we go.

Hopefully, the doctors will get the results rather quickly, so they can determine the best course of action. I'm totally ready to leave the "time bomb" feeling behind me....far, far, far behind. I'm going to get together with my good friend for lunch before I have to go submit to the "machine."

On a Claire Day comic

(Click on image to enlarge.)

Psalm 199:17

I've decided on a verse to cling to while I am "growing" through this time of multiple strokes. It is Pslam 119:17, "Deal bountifully with Your servant, that I may live and keep Your Word."

My first prayer was for the Lord to obviously stop causing the strokes totally. Then, I thought about how the BIG one is supposed to follow shortly after the small ones. Of course, that brought up all sorts of images to my mind, made even more vivid by what I went through 5 years ago. So then I prayed that if the Lord did allow a major stroke through His hands to my body then my heart's desire is for Him to make it a BIG enough one to take me home. I don't want to be left here not able to function, nor do I want hubby to have to take care of me. Now, I realize that is totally selfish on my part, and probably totally fear filled also.

I went to the Lord and asked Him to show me what perspective I should have on dealing with this whole issue. I looked at the Psalms. I combed through His Word. I poured over different passages that would pertain but it wasn't until I was walking into church this morning when my dear friend, my pastor's wife, said to me, "Thank you for your email. The very first thing which popped into my mind was Pslam 119:17."

I thought about the verse all day. I meditated on it. I chewed on it. I allowed it to permeate my mind. It soaked into the very fibers of my being. The long and short of it is that now, instead of being afraid and desiring to check out if anything "bad" happens to me, (really, what can be bad if He is to bring good out of it?) I've decided to cling to this verse. And, no matter what He allows to pass through His hands I want to live and keep His Word. That is my heart's desire. And, I will continually remember that He is with always......

Time Change

Just a friendly reminder to set your clocks ahead one hour tonight.

Teens...

Click on image to enlarge.

Just taking a stroll down memory lane for the beneft of Pilot. *grin*

Test results...

I say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7)

Okay, here I am putting this into practice. Last week I had tests run after my small stroke. They did the ultrasound of the neck and a CT scan of my brain. Well, I answer the phone this afternoon and it is the doctor on the phone. I know from past experience that when it isn't the nurse on the other end of the phone, but rather the doctor, that does not usually bode well for good news. He told me that the ultrasound of my neck came back perfectly normal. No little platelets looking to fall off etc. But the brain was entirely different.

I had my first stroke July 1, 2002 and my second stroke July 31, 2002. After my second stroke I began counting. They say the longer you can go between strokes the better it is. So I hung on to that little thought and this July would have been 5 years. For those of you who read my blog fairly faithfully you know that I experienced a third stroke (much less severe than the other two) on February 20th, which prompted these new tests.

Back to my brain. The good doctor proceeds to tell me that there are many evidences of stroke in my brain. I interject and remind him of the previous two before February. (They show up as little dots on your brain.) The good doc agrees with me and then clarifies that there are quiet a few showing up.

I am quiet for a minute, trying to process what he just told me. I ask him in a quivery voice, "There are only 3 little dots, right?" "Oh no," the good doc replies. There are NUMEROUS evidences of strokes. I can't tell you when...there is no way to determine the age of the dots, other than we know they were not there on July 1, 2002."

Numerous. NUMerous. NUMEROUS. I could not bring myself to ask how many is numerous. At least not today. Maybe next week when I talk with my regular doctor. The good doc is going to talk to MY good doctor and we will proceed from there. So maybe next week I will have the courage to ask how many is "numerous."

I thought I freaked out last week, or two weeks ago, when I found out that I really had a third stroke but this...it means that I've been having these "numerous" stokes all along and I didn't even know it! Thankfully, they have been minor. Expecially this last one. Let me tell you that the first two "minor" ones felt like MAJOR ones in my book. It was such hard work to retrain all those little motor pathways. My fingers stayed curled for what seemed like forever! I couldn't fold clothes. Nor could I open a clothes pin for crying out loud. I had to learn to put little pegs in their little holes. Things a toddler can do in seconds took me an eternity to relearn. And that was a MINOR stroke. I would say I have come back to about 87%, which has thrilled me. No one can tell by looking at me but I know from the loss of strength I experienced and which I've not been fully able to regain.

Now, I'm back to feeling like a time bomb just waiting to explode. And what if it is a major explosion at that? What if it affects my speech or...my typing. The 2002 it took a looooong time for me to be able to type again. I cannot image not being able to blog.

Ok. Deep breath. Slowly exhale. Breathe in deeply....exhale slowly. "My grace is sufficient..." "I've not given you a spirit of fear..." "I know the plans I have for you..." "I AM able..." "I will supply all your needs..." "I will never leave you nor forsake you..."

"My grace is sufficient....My grace is sufficient...for when you are weak then I am strong..." "...I AM strong." He is able...Look to Him for my strength. Hold on to Him no matter what the circumstance. May He be glorified... I can do all things through Him...all things...

You say...God says...

To go along with my post down below where I talk about strongholds being fabricated with lies I thought you might find this helpful.


YOU SAY, GOD SAYS BIBLE VERSES

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-20)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34)

You say: "I can't go on"
God says My grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9 * Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (2 Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Romans 8:28)

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I forgive you (1 John 1:9 & Romans 8:28)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on Me (1 Peter 5:7)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

You say:....
God says.....

Humility and Boldness...2 Corinthians 10

We were discussing humility and boldness today in our ladies Bible study. Specifically if they are mutually exclusive. Humility is not the same as beating yourself up or letting other people put you down. "Humility is not the same as low self-esteem and it's not the opposite of confidence. In fact, the truly humble person walks with absolute confidence, knowing that we are simply empty vessels through whom God wants to accomplish His work. When we understand true humility, we understand that it's not about us at all. It's about God." Isn't that great?

True humility translates into total God-confidence. You see, it isn't about my plans, or even your plans, but it's all about God's eternal plan. My life is over, and so is yours, as a Christian; we've been crucified with Christ. So any boasting we do isn't about us---or rather it shouldn't be about us; it's all about God and what He is doing through us. If we've been completely emptied of ourselves and are seeking only to advance His kingdom, then I can be as bold as the apostle Paul.

We are not waging a battle against flesh and blood but of spiritual powers of wickedness. So it makes perfect sense that we are not using "conventional" weapons of this world. Rather our weapons "have divine power to demolish strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:4). When I believe the truth, when I understand who I really am in Christ, I will touch the world in a significant way...and I will do so with great boldness.

Now think about what a stronghold is---what makes it up? A stronghold is fabricated with lies so the only way to demolish it is with truth. In order to stand firm, I must allow my knowledge of God to have preeminence. I must make a conscious decision to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).

If you haven't ever read about the armor which God provides for us I highly recommend you read Ephesians 6:10-18. One of the other weapons we have is prayer. It's been my observation over the years that the boldest pray-ers are people who know God's Word exceptionally well...and incorporate God's promises and precepts into their prayers.

If we don't know God's Word, then we need to learn it so that we might pray effectively. That's why it is wise to memorize Scripture. Not only should we memorize short verses but we should learn passages of Scripture so it doesn't prove problematic. It's sobering to me to remember that when Satan came to tempt Jesus, he quoted Scripture (Luke 4:1-13). However, he quoted it out of context. Jesus was able to refute him with Scripture by quoting it in context.

Not until we have become humble and teachable, standing in awe of God's holiness and sovereignty...acknowledging our own littleness, distrusting our own thoughts, and willing to have our minds turned upside down, can divine wisdom become ours. ~J.I. Packer

Coupons and broken pieces...

Today was absolutely gorgeous. We were in the low 60's temp wise, and the sun was shining. I am so ready for spring and new color to begin popping out.

I went to a luncheon which my ladies Bible study was having. A newer lady, who moved here in October to live with her daughter to see how she liked our area, is leaving to go back to Ohio to take care of the business of selling her home etc. Then she will be back here to live, hopefully, early summer. She has been such a delight and an added asset to our group. She reminds me so much of my mother---the way she dresses, her size, the manner in which she conducts herself, etc.

I have been cutting coupons out of the newspaper recently. As I cut and snipped away I thought about the products I was going to redeem. I began to think about the ones that I need to clean out of my drawer because the date has expired. They are totally useless. Thinking along those lines made me think about my broken places of my life. You know the things; the stuff you wish had never happened. So often my approach is to try and cover "it" so it is not noticeable. But what a tragedy that is when I do that. The best approach is to allow God to be glorified through it.

It's just like the coupons. Once they are cut out, if I just let it lay around and never use it then it becomes absolutely useless. On the other hand, if I take that coupon and go to the store and hand it over to the cashier along with my purchase, then I'm allowing the person with the authority and power to take something that is absolutely worthless by itself and transform it into something valuable. Like a triple bonus coupon here.

Really, that is what God is calling us to do with all our broken pieces of our lives. Take out that broken piece/pieces and hand it over to God. He alone is the One who has the power and authority to take something worthless and transform it into something valuable.

When I think back over my life to my broken things---my mistakes, my heartaches etc.--- I find it difficult to keep going on. The only thing which gives me encouragement, and allows me to press on is the realization that God is daily redeeming all that broken stuff. What I have experienced in my life can be used by God in someone else's life. That's one reason we are here. To make a difference.

Your broken pieces represent your most powerful opportunity for authentic, life changing ministry. It is through those broken pieces that God wants to shine forth His glory to a darkened world.

"Broken and contrite hearts are rare. But God loves them. They are the basic raw material through which He works. God treasures every man and woman who lives boldly with a broken heart---truly lives. This kind of life is such a rare prize that it is recognized by everyone who observes it. Whether a life is broken over sin, pain, persecution, or service to the Master, people see it shine so rarely that they want that depth of character for themselves in place of the shabby idols of this world." ~David Swartz

Moving forward...

Whew! I've been working hard. It kind of embarrasses me that I still had Christmas up downstairs. The gal who house sat for us while we were gone to mom's funeral helped out by taking all the Christmas stuff upstairs downstairs and piling it all on the ping pong table. However, there was much more than just Christmas which needed to be dwelt with. I had piles of mail, on my desk, on my mother's desk, on the floor surrounding both desks, on my round oak table and even in my chairs around the table.

If you add general "stuff" to the mix you might just have a teensy idea of what was going on. I realize I have an excellent reason for all of that to have taken place with my mom dying and then my being sick on top of everything else. But I do not function, folks, when everything is in disarray around me. I come to a screeching stop. It overwhelms me to the point of inactivity. I also realize that some of that 'inactivity' was actually due to my grieving, and part was due to my being sick and not able to breath enough to really move. But I have to be honest and say it wasn't all of those excuses either.

I debated about taking a picture of how awful it was and then do an after pic so you could see the difference but I could not bring myself to do it. It was just too bad and just having the memory stored in my mind is bad enough without adding a physical picture! Trust me, though, when I tell you the downstairs is totally done, except for the top of mom's desk.
As you can see I still have a pile to deal with on her desk.

Things are beginning to get back to 'normal,' whatever that is. I still haven't done anything more in mom's room since my sister left. I hope to, at least accomplish something in there before she comes back on the 22nd but I'm not holding myself to anything. I'll take each day as it comes and I'll make plans but if they don't get done, then that's okay.

It was really a healing time putting all the Christmas stuff away in boxes. I cried buckets of tears which I think is good for me. I cry easily. Poor Pilot, when he was growing up he could come running in and he might find me crying over a book I was reading, or finding me crying over something I was thinking about, or just find me crying...and he would run up to me and ask, "Are those happy tears or sad tears, Mommy?" Now, I did cry when she died but other than that time, I really haven't cried...until Saturday, as I put stuff away. I thought about her sitting on the love seat watching as we decorated the tree, and I saw her sitting there opening her presents on Christmas day. So they were good tears. Cleansing tears, healing tears.

I expect there will be more to follow as I move into her room to finish going through things there. Every time I got ready to work in there I would begin to cry and just couldn't stay in there. So I haven't really been in her room except to take ladies in to have them try on her clothes, and I don't stay with them while they try on.

God is not a God of confusion, nor is He a God of disorder. He is a God of strength, comfort and compassion Who pours out His love, mercy and grace on those in need. I am in need and He is being faithful to provide so tenderly for me. Many times it is through His Word, but often it is through my hubby who has been such a help, and ever so patient with me, tenderly giving me time to process. Other time He has provided by a specially timed phone call from my sister, or Pilot, (those are always good calls) or friends who are moved by His Holy Spirit to pick up the phone and call---just because.

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation. God is to us a God of deliverances..." (Psalm 68:19-20).

"The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him" (Lamentations 3:22-24).

Being an Ambassador...

What does your life look like? If you were being tried for being a Christian would there be enough evidence to convict you? When Paul wrote to the Corinthians, he pointed out that we are ambassadors for Christ, whether we want to be or not. It really doesn't matter how we are feeling at any given moment.

We are going to be judged someday. We aren't judged by what we want to do and can't, but by what we ought to do and don't. Our motivation is "...that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:19-21).

What does it all mean? Like political ambassadors, who represent their countries while living in foreign lands, we live on earth for a while, representing heaven. Ambassadors don't appoint themselves; they are chosen and sent by their government. Likewise, God appoints us, sending us wherever He chooses.

Gideon recieved a special assignment from God (Judges 6). When Gideon protested that he was unqualified to serve, God didn't try to boost his self-confidence or argue the point. Instead, He posed a question, "Am I not sending you?"

You see, I could hop on a plane and travel to another country and no one would really care. However, if the President were to send me as his ambassador to that same country, things would look a lot different. I would be issued papers, be provided with a diplomatic entourage and suddenly they would be serving me. It's still me...you see, it isn't about who is going; it's all about the One who is sending. If God is not sending you then do the world a favor and stay home. There is nothing worse than a Christian on a self-appointed assignment for God! But, if God is sending you, or calling you, then go in total God-confidence.

We are representing Christ 24/7 no matter where we are or what we are doing. Everything we say and do, not to mention our tone of voice and attitude, all reflect on the God we serve. To be truly effective, we must surrender our personal freedom and private agendas.

As an ambassador, we will encounter insults. Just remember not to take it personally. Recognize that the insults are really directed toward God, not us. They are rejecting God, not us.


Nobody can force a single soul...to turn to Christ. All that [we]...can do is lift up Christ before the world, bring Him into dingy corners and dark places of the earth where He is unknown, introduce Him to strangers, talk about Him to everybody, and live so closely with and in Him that others may see that there really is such a Person as Jesus. ~ Elizabeth "Betty" Stam


I ask you again, "If you were being tried for being a Christian would there be enough evidence to convict you?"