I've decided on a verse to cling to while I am "growing" through this time of multiple strokes. It is Pslam 119:17, "Deal bountifully with Your servant, that I may live and keep Your Word."
My first prayer was for the Lord to obviously stop causing the strokes totally. Then, I thought about how the BIG one is supposed to follow shortly after the small ones. Of course, that brought up all sorts of images to my mind, made even more vivid by what I went through 5 years ago. So then I prayed that if the Lord did allow a major stroke through His hands to my body then my heart's desire is for Him to make it a BIG enough one to take me home. I don't want to be left here not able to function, nor do I want hubby to have to take care of me. Now, I realize that is totally selfish on my part, and probably totally fear filled also.
I went to the Lord and asked Him to show me what perspective I should have on dealing with this whole issue. I looked at the Psalms. I combed through His Word. I poured over different passages that would pertain but it wasn't until I was walking into church this morning when my dear friend, my pastor's wife, said to me, "Thank you for your email. The very first thing which popped into my mind was Pslam 119:17."
I thought about the verse all day. I meditated on it. I chewed on it. I allowed it to permeate my mind. It soaked into the very fibers of my being. The long and short of it is that now, instead of being afraid and desiring to check out if anything "bad" happens to me, (really, what can be bad if He is to bring good out of it?) I've decided to cling to this verse. And, no matter what He allows to pass through His hands I want to live and keep His Word. That is my heart's desire. And, I will continually remember that He is with always......