Monday, September 04, 2006

Uh oh...Out of control?

I know. It's late and with all that I have to do during the days I do need to be in bed. I had good intentions. Everything seems to be swirling around me. So much coming at me from all directions. It has been difficult for me to focus. I function much better when everything around me is in order. So really, it is no surprise that I am still up and going strong.

You see, it began once I arrived home from seeing Mom at the rehab center. By the time I finished talking with my sister (who DID give me strict instructions to wash my one load of clothes and then go. to. bed!) and I walked through door, I had every good intention of doing just that. I started the clothes washing and unloaded the dishwasher, fixed Pilot Dad's lunch to take to work and remembered that tomorrow is garbage day. I opened the refrig to clean out any old stuff (like Mom's little tidbits of leftovers) and it began. I kicked into high gear. There was no controling it! From the refrigerator I moved to my mom's bedroom. I thought I would just make room in a drawer for her holders of meds. Well, that led to bringing a garbage bag in and...and...I just couldn't help myself! I emptied this drawer where she had stashed a bunch of garbage er, stuff that she will never miss. Then I moved to the top of her desk. And then it was to a tv table tray that some "overflow" was on. It seemed like I was out of control but let me assure you I wasn't!

I cannot tell you how much better I feel! I can honestly say it is the best I've felt since this whole awful fall took place on August 20. My mind is clear. There has been a weight lifted, albeit maybe it's only for a short while.

The more I see of mother the more I feel it is going to be a very long process. Oh, don't get me wrong. I do see progress. Progress every single day, but it is in very small increments. Now, I do realize that she is 90 years old and frail so I should not expect huge strides each day (no pun intended). Honestly, I feel she will be able to come home again. I pray to that end, anyway, knowing that it is the good Lord who is sovereignly in control. I just don't see her coming home anytime soon. More like...months.

The other good news is now that it is Tuesday morning, it is just one week till my sister arrives. And just a couple of weeks till Pilot and Pilot's former roommate arrive. His roommate (I'll call him Pilot 2) has never seen the Rockies so they are coming out to go hiking AND Pilot is requalifying on his little plane in which he got his private pilot's license in what seems like eons ago! Do you realize what that means? We will get to fly again with Pilot!!!

So, in the midst of all the daily "getting through" there are blessings falling all around me for which I am so grateful. It comforts me tremendously knowing that all of "this" has first passed through His hands before it ever touched my mom or me or our family. And because He has allowed it to touch me, then I know that I will be able to move through it victoriously, as long as I keep my eyes on Him.

Okay. NOW I am heading off to bed to get some sleep. I have to get up early for my 8am appointment. Catch you all later!


eija said...

Hang in there! And if you run out of cleaning and tidying there's some more over at my house... *grin*

Pam said...

I cannot function in chaos either and it does help the brain to clean your surroundings. Besides, it was something you had control over and that is important as well.
Love ya!

Jessica said...

Hope all is well with you! Have a blessed week! :)

Vanda said...

He he I have a lot of cleaning, like cupboard that needs doing. Besides you could have a holiday at the same time.

I hope your mum comes home sooner rather than later. You have a lot of great stuff to look forward to.

HeyJules said...

I know exactly how you feel! When things feel a bit out of control, a good clean sweep through an area of the house can make me feel a bit more "connected." By cleaning up your mom's room you now have room to let the hope back in because everything is ready and waiting for her when she gets back.

Bob & Claire said...

Oh, yes, it feels so great to throw junk away! I do the same thing in the boys' rooms sometimes when they aren't around! : ) I like HeyJules' comment--now you're more ready for whenever Nana CAN come home. Now get some rest!! It won't do for you to get sick!!

His Singer said...

My, oh my!

We seem to be on the same wave length! I spent yesterday cleaning, and may even go at it again this evening. You just have to strike while the iron is hot!

Mountain Mama said...

Oh my gosh! I remember doing that at my mom's too. Yes it did feel good and I was absolutely worn out when I was done.
I do hope she heals fast.

Gayla said...

Whew! I'm exhausted. :)

G~ said...

wow. i seldom get on kicks like that cuz they sap the life out of me, but i really could if not for getting so tired or something starting to hurt, kwim? *siiiigh*

i can't believe how much you got done! :) you sound like... like... MY MOTHER! LOL!

with her, things like that are like eating at lay's potato chip... you can't stop at just one. *grin*

so glad you got so much done, BUT i'm hoping you haven't been piled up in bed all day (wed.) feeling bad b/c of overdoing it. that also happens to me often (even when i don't get half as much done!)